The 5 Love Languages

Currently I'm reading Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. In celebration of Valentine's Day, my mother gave me and my boyfriend three copies of his love books to read, ponder, and practice. She knows that we are quite serious about each other, and wants us to be well prepared in our love before we make any big leaps. I read this book with my Love in mind, but the principles of this book can be applied to any loving relationship in our lives.

Dr. Chapman teaches in his book that people have a basic need to be and feel loved. And to be loved is not necessarily the same thing as feeling loved. According to the Doc, we all speak our own primary love language and may need to learn new ones in order to communicate the love we feel for our spouse/partner according to his/her primary love language. The 5 love languages are as follows:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

Doctor Chapman uses a "love tank" analogy. We all have our own love tanks that need filling up from those we love. When our love tanks are empty, we don't feel loved and appreciated and our relationships suffer. When children's love tanks are empty, their emotional development suffers as well as their behavior. As a nanny to four awesome boys, my primary concern is the wellbeing and care of those boys. I wonder "Am I speaking the right love languages of the boys, especially the baby?"

They are at different ages and have different needs. The oldest, probably doesn't want or need any physical attention from me. He's 11 and already shying away from affection from his parents when in public. The 9 year old is the same. Big Brother C is 6 years old and I get a hug before school from time to time. Physical attention is probably most needed by the baby. He needs hugs, he needs to be picked up, held, and danced with from time to time.

I think that the languages most applicable to my position at work would be Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, and Acts of Service. The boys want to hear that they did a good job at whatever sport, their sneakers are cool, and I appreciate their help setting the table and they rocked their reading for the day. They want my full attention when they are talking to me and sharing information about their thoughts and their day. They want to shoot hoops and throw the ball around. And, if I am making dinner, they want interesting delicious meals and treats. When they tell me they like what I made for dinner, my love tank fills instantly.

Having successful relationships is hard work, but it's worth it. Learn the love language of your spouse/partner/child/friend. If they like to talk, listen. If they like little gifts, give. If they just wanna hang out, find time to hang out. Give hugs. Tell them they look great!